Ugh...This is so F*ing HARD!!

Can I just say how mad and frustrated I am with myself right now? It's all my own fault. I just keep eating shit and not working out which has amounted to me gaining weight and hanging out in the 200s again. That makes me so sad. Trying to figure out why it doesn't piss me off enough to want to do something about it. I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and gross about myself. Always, when I stay consistent, I have real success. 

All this means I need to learn to do this...

...that's right. Just say no...to the processed bad foods, to the crazy snacking, to losing my mind when we go out to dinner. It is time to strap it on and strap it on tight!

Starting tomorrow (on a Friday, no less) is the start of a new challenge and I need to commit to it. I am committing to it. It is mine. I am going to own these next 90 days. No matter what activities get scheduled, I am going to be in charge of what I eat and what I burn. The activity is not going to be about what food I can consume. It is about the company I am with first. Then what to put in my body that will get me closer to my goal rather than setting me backwards. 

I have created a spreadsheet to log my workouts and my weight loss. I am going to count all my WW points, tracking each food group & water consumption. I will pre-plan my workouts for the week ahead. I will be in great shape and well on my way by the time the first day of summer hits. The year of 2014 is not going to end the way it has started. 

Until next time. I will try and consistently blog this journey as well. May as well put it down somewhere. Better in writing than in my mouth!

10 Week Fit Camp...Week 1

The scale has moved. I joined Operation Skinny Jeans 10 Week Fit Camp. After Week 1, I have lost 1.8 pounds. And actually, this is just from Sunday to Friday, so not even a true week. This makes me so happy. I worked so hard this week. I have eaten so good and tracked all my food. I also got in AMAZING workouts, which I am so very proud of. Week 6, Day 1 of the C25k plan was kicking my a$$ to say the very least. I finally conquered it on Thursday evening. 

Here is my "Stay on Track" chart for the 10 week camp. My scale goes down by .2, so I count this one as completed. I am so committed to this. How awesome will it be when I am at a weight of 179.4, which I can't even remember the last time I have seen that number on the scale!

And just a little comparison picture to keep me on track. On the left is from Oct 2010, while we were in MN. I was so uncomfortable in my own skin. I can hardly believe it is taking me this long to get to this point. The one on the right is from today before I went to work. Side note: I still have the capris that I am wearing in the pic from MN. I have kept them as the article of clothing to really compare where I have come from. I need to take a picture in them, because it is truly amazing. My face is soooo round! Gah! I am amazed at the change I see there.

Goals & Rewards

I have been wanting to set some goals and rewards for myself. I wanted them to be short-term goals rather than feeling overwhelmed by long-term goals that seem so very far away and harder to achieve. 

My first reward I was going to plan for myself, I actually already purchased. There was a reason for that. It is my "promise bracelet" to myself. I really wanted something visual to look at no matter where I am. It is on my right wrist so I see it all day long. The cross is God's promise to me by sending his Son to die on it for my sins. It is my visual promise to myself that I am going to tackle this weight problem and be the strong healthy person I see myself being.

It is beautiful. Yes?!

I am going to set 5 pound goals for myself with small rewards along the way. I will have to make some updates to my wardrobe because things are starting to get too big but the rewards will be something I will get right away. Not something that has to be budgeted for, like adding several new pieces of clothing.

I stumbled on a "note" I had posted for myself on Facebook that I had totally forgotten about. It is dated Aug 30, 2009, and I weighed 219.8 pounds! Oh, my! I weigh 20 pounds less than that right now and I have stayed far away from that weight. I spent so many years spinning around in the two-teens, I am happy to say I am away from that. That is success. It may be taking me some time to get this all together, but I am proud of that fact.

Here we go. Goal and reward:

195.0 -- black wedge sandals

190.0 -- new nail polish -- OPI Affair in Times Square

185.0 -- new dress

180.0 -- necklace & bracelet set

175.0 -- new outfit

170.0 -- fun wedge shoes

165.0 -- new cardigan & belt

160.0 -- new skirt (striped)

155.0 -- necklace & bracelet set

150.0 -- new outfit

145.0 -- new boots

140.0 -- new dress

130s -- it's time to shop for real! Thrift and new, I need a new wardrobe!

Oh, my gosh! It is so exciting to see it written out like this. I seriously have not done something like this ever. It's like I have been holding myself back and not allowing myself to look that far. I am going to achieve this. My plan is to continue with my WW points and my workouts. Keep working on that 5k because that will be here quickly. 

I am only 3 pounds from my first goal and I have been looking for black wedge sandals to wear at work this summer. I am going to work hard to get to that one. What if it happens this coming weekend?! Ohh, la, la! Maybe I will be able to have Steve take me shoe shopping during our stay-cation!

Here is an outfit look I am working towards, thus some of my above referenced rewards. Oh my goodness, brown and pink! ♥

Time to kill it! My day started with a workout and good food choices so far. So excited and rejuvenated. 

I'VE GOT THIS! IT'S MINE!!

It's a Challenge

It's a 10-week Challenge put out by a young lady named Jess. I am committing to a hard 10 weeks which has me ending on the Fourth of July! What a great way to get things moving. There is a Facebook page that has lots of people joining it which makes for a great support group. I am so excited by this. I was working so hard before and am ready to get back to that hard work.

Tiffany told me about a 5k that is coming to town called the Glow Run. We are going to sign up for it. It's August 24 at 8:30 p.m. How fun is that?! I can hardly wait. This is going to be my first 5k race to actually do. Time to train hard and get it on!!

My goals for the 10-week Challenge:

• complete my Couch to 5k training
• lose 15 pounds
• eat relatively clean
• get stronger & healthier

My recent comparison pictures. I will do this again on the Fourth of July. Looking forward to big changes.

The stats today are

•  weight: 200.0
• neck: 14.5"
• chest: 38.5"
• waist: 37"
• hips/stomach: 49"
• upper thigh: 26"
• calf: 16.5"
• arm: 14"

This is where I am at. Now, I am moving forward.

185 on 4/13/2013

It's a big goal but it is doable. I think I have not pushed myself hard enough. I have not ever really set huge concrete goals to strive for and achieve. I just roll along with whatever the week brings me. And that means excitement for a great weight loss and disappointment for no loss or a gain. I am done playing that game. I have achievements to reach this year. It is time to set concrete reachable goals and to quit dilly-dallying around with it. It is time to go out for meals and make wise choices. It is time to not go out to a meal and think of it as a reward. Food is fuel for my body, not a reward because I ate good that week. All that accomplishes is a set back.

We are going on our anniversary trip the morning of (I assume) Saturday, April 13, 2013. My goal on that morning is to weigh 185 pounds. That means I have four weeks to lose a decent chunk of weight. I have Easter, our anniversary dinner and Matt's birthday to get through between now and then. I will do it. This goal will be accomplished. 

I am going to have my weigh-in day be Wednesday. Yesterday, I weighed 199.0. I will weigh again on Wednesday, March 27, 2013. That gives me a full week, rather than weighing in again in three days. Here we go. I will check in with my progress.

Improvements & Legs

There have been some changes since my last post and they have been good things. As I previously stated, I went back and reviewed my food journals and the things I was doing then that was working for me. I also did join Planet Fitness. I have even been going two evenings a week. How great is that! I am working towards that 5k goal and it is going well. It is also showing on the scale!! Woo-hoo! That makes me so happy. So here is what has happened in the past two weeks:

• I joined the gym and am going on Tues/Thurs evenings and Sat mornings.
• I put my workout schedule on the calender every Sunday.
• I have been journaling all my food and keeping track of my points.

And the numbers that I was so frustrated by before have been on the move. On Saturday morning, I weighed 197.6. That's a loss of 5.6 pounds in two weeks. My body fat was 49.9%, which was a lost of 1.3% in the same two weeks.

What did I change? I am working out HARD in the mornings. Certainly harder than I had been in the past. I have been walking LaFortune Park on Sunday afternoon, which is so fun to get outside and enjoy life around me. I have gone to the gym on Tues and Thursday evening using the treadmill for 45 minutes each time. I am continuing that 5k training. I am on week three of the C25k training and it has been going great. It is changing my body physically and giving me that extra cardio. I am so very excited about it. This week coming up, I am going to continue with Week 3. I have pretty much done each week of training two weeks in a row because I have not quite been ready to move on. So I am going to continue that track this week.

Legs: Who wouldn't want legs like Carrie Underwood's? They are gorgeous and perfect as far as I am concerned. I know she works hard for them. I may not have legs that look exactly like her's but I am giving my very best effort to have gorgeous legs. I do believe that not only will running help me to lose the weight it will help me get gorgeous legs!! 

Continued hard work, here I come! I am not afraid! I am stronger than I give myself credit for. I am not scared of the gym anymore either. I don't care what any body is thinking around me. I am there for me!

It's My Time

Here I am again wishing the weight gone and yet I have been having gains. This makes me so sad. And pissed. All at the same time. I know I am my own worst enemy. I do well for several days and then I do so bad for a couple of days it ruins those few days I was doing it properly. I have come to the conclusion that I just have to stick to the plan and not have my "free" moments. And by free I don't even necessarily mean overeating. In my mind, I think, oh, it's okay if I don't journal today. I know what I am eating or should be eating. That is not the case. I get too far off track when I do that. 

Good news...It's My Time. I have committed to reading my Bible every day this year and I am half way through my 100 day reading plan that I am on right now. It is now time to apply that same sort of dedication and commitment to my health and weight loss. I want to be that success story. I want to see it in pictures (kind of -- ha!). I want to see it in numbers and those numbers aren't very pretty today. I am not having the changes I expected to be having at this time. With that being said, it's time to get back to basics.

Thankfully, Sunday is the beginning of my week. I have all my FlexPoints to work with. I have exercise plans to come up with. I have to learn to push through the tired and hard times in order to get to the results I want. I am joining the gym tomorrow, which is a great thing. That means I need to be going there at least three times a week for a good cardio workout. Whatever that might look like. I want to train for a 5k. I have read several times I should sign up for an actual race so I have a goal that I am working towards. Yes, that scares me. And I think that is also putting too much on my plate, but I will. I will sign up for a 5k and work towards that goal.

THE NUMBERS: (ugh, they are not pretty today)

Weight: 203.2

Body Fat: 51.2%

Neck: 14.5"

Chest: 38.5"

Waist: 37"

Hips: 50"

Stomach: 49"

BEFORE:

The numbers don't lie, friends. The good news is the numbers can be changed and will be changed. I am going to look back at my food journal from last year and see what I was eating. What have I changed lately that isn't keeping me on track. The numbers may not lie but I can change those numbers with a strong commitment to myself. One of the things that really stands out in my mind this morning about what has changed from last year when I was consistently losing weight...I was walking most days after school/work. I was getting in that little extra cardio. At the time, I didn't think it was that big of a deal. Looking back at it now and what I am doing and not doing, those walks at the end of the day were playing an important part, I believe.

Here we go. Let's get this party started!

Running & Commitment

I want to be a runner. I have wanted to run for a long time. It has been a desire deep in my heart for some time. I admire women who have beautiful running legs and are so strong in that way. I want to be that woman I admire in other people. I started doing the Couch to 5k plan last fall. I completed week 1, which I actually did two times because I didn't feel ready for week 2. I have done just a couple of days of week 2 at two different times. I have never fully committed. I always seemed to have a ready excuse...like the time change because it was getting dark sooner after I got home from work. 

I have been following Weight Watchers but haven't committed hard to it. I do well for several days and then derail with not tracking points or having too many chocolates or binging on food after work simply because I am hungry, bored, stressed, no real good reason. I haven't been sleeping well at night or getting enough sleep which is playing a part in the mental aspect of all of this weight loss. 

Today, I weigh 200.4 pounds. I don't want to be in the 200s. I got out of them last year and didn't plan on going back, but here I am on the cusp of them. I am saying good-bye to the 200s today and they are not allowed back in my life....ever! I haven't measured my body in quite some time, that will happen next Saturday, measurements and pictures. It's time to have physical proof of this journey and really see my body change.

Running & Commitment. There is a reason for that title. I have been doing well since 2013 started to get in my exercise. I work out, usually, four mornings a week. I did promise myself no more just being lazy and I have to do at least three days of exercise and I have done that this calender year. 

Back to the title...Running & Commitment....I am committing to myself to count all my food, the good and the bad, I am staying away from the ugly though! I am going to commit to eating my points each day and using my 49 FlexPoints each week. I am committing to my workouts each morning. More importantly, I am committing to my run training. This week, I will be running on Tues and Thurs afternoon and Saturday morning. I will be doing Week 2 of Couch to 5k. 

Running & Commitment. Those are my words this week!

*Oiy vay!*

Well, it has been a while....several months, actually! Good grief. And I am not feeling very good about myself right now. I haven't taken very good care of myself over the past months and it makes me a bit sad. I am ready to get back in the groove though. It was interesting to read my last post because I did actually get started on the Couch to 5k training and I am going to keep going with that. 

So much has changed in my life since that last post. I have a new job. I have been working for Samson Exploration and I LOVE it!! It is the best thing in the world. I work for an amazing company and I have awesome co-workers. Everyday is a lot of fun. 

Sunday is always the beginning of my week, so it is a fresh start. I have goals for the week. First being that I am going to weigh, measure, and count all my points this week. I have Sarah's bday dinner, so I do have to be wise and self-controlled. And I am getting back to working out and drinking my water. I have gotten so far away from the good place I was in before and I want to get back to that and surpass it.

Work out schedule:

Monday -- Last Chance WorkOut; Cto5k

Tuesday -- Shred L-2; Yoga L-1

Wednesday -- Last Chance WorkOut; Cto5k

Thursday -- Shred L-2; Yoga L-1

Friday -- Kettlebell L-1

Saturday -- Cto5k       

Here is to a very successful week.

*Lost My Mind*

I lost my mind the last five or six days of February. It was not pretty, either. I didn't want to exercise (but I did -- good thing) and I was an eating maniac. This is the year of "No Excuses" so I am not going to give one, I just did it. It was a vicious cycle after school...cheezits, chocolate, cheese, pringles, repeat...I am not proud to admit that, but I will and that's what I did.

Good news: I found my mind! Thank God! Good heavens this whole getting healthy can become such a mental battle, one that I want to get a better grip on. Especially, one certain week of the month when it can get really out of hand.

This morning I got up and worked out with my Biggest Loser Last Chance Workout DVD. That one always seems to really get me going. I spent the day/night before wondering, what is going on? Why did I let myself cave? What happened to my mental strength? What am I afraid of, all of a sudden, after the success? One thing I kept coming back to is I was letting satan have a handle and deceive me and he just is not allowed to do that, at all, EVER! So while I was working out, I was shouting him out of the room and out of the situation. Letting him (and anyone else who could hear me) know that this IS my year. I am going to get STRONG! I am going to get HEALTHY! I am going to be in the best shape of my life! I called upon the name of my Lord and Savior! This lead me to Philippians 4:13...I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me. And that is all the truth I needed. I had an amazing workout and was so happy with myself.

I have talked with myself over and over, I WANT TO RUN! How crazy is that, maybe I have lost my mind! Ha! Not really. That is the truth, I want to run. I am going to run. It is 27 days until my 20th anniversary and I want March to be an amazing month. I want to kick a lot of weight bye-bye. One sure way I know to do that is to really boost my cardio workouts. I am 20 pounds lighter than I was before and now is the time to start running. I am just going to do my own thing for right now. I am starting today and will run Tues/Thurs/Sat. Starting off, I am going to walk to the retention pond as my warm-up and then run the track over there. I don't know how long it is. It is just my starting point. I will see where this takes me.

Tomorrow is my weigh and measure day. I am not overly excited about it, but it is what it is. The truth is there. I have to visually see it, be proud of what I have done, know that everything I do adds up to what the final outcome is, and own it. I will. I am so looking forward to this afternoon to see what I can accomplish. Wish me luck!

*Picture*

My stomach has changed.

Blue -- April 2011

Pink -- January 2012

Yellow -- February 2012

*Another Milestone*

Today was weigh-in day and I reached a great milestone. I have lost 20.6 pounds now! I weigh 194.4. Ssendoogymho! I am now closer to 190 then I am 200. I am so excited, proud of myself, motivated! There are so many words to describe what I was feeling this morning.

A couple weeks ago, I went shopping at Macy's with some of my birthday money. I purchased two tops in a size medium (yeah, me!). I feel so cute in them. The cashier mentioned how she liked the tops but they wouldn't fit her. I told her they were two sizes smaller than what I used to buy and that I had lost some weight. She wanted to know what I was doing. I told her WW and exercising. She said, "Oh, that's hard work. I was hoping you were going to say it was something easy." Those words rolled around in my mind for a while and I thought, "she is right". It has been hard work and I have put in that hard work.

I have consistently been journaling my food since October. On Saturdays, I for sure count my breakfast points. The rest of the day on Saturday is quite a bit freer. First of all, because it is a "free day" for me I don't keep track of food as tightly. I also don't go crazy either. I really pay attention to what I am eating. I just don't journal every bite. I think that is helping me in a sense because I have that day free of the food journal. I have also been working out on Saturday mornings since the beginning of the year. That is such a great decision on my part. It makes it easier to have that extra treat on Saturday, too. This Saturday workout also keeps me motivated through the weekend.

This week I have had some interesting observations. Starting on about Wednesday, I was getting REALLY hungry during the day. I have a great breakfast, morning snack, lunch, afternoon snack and then dinner. I am eating everything I am supposed to be eating for the day. I am starting to think my metabolism is really kicking in. I have been working out so hard and mixing things up that I really believe I am burning a lot of calories even at rest. It's a good thing. I am trying to listen to my body though. I don't want to get too hungry because that could lead to unhealthy choices.

Right now, my next exciting milestone will be to get to 189 and that is only 5 pounds away! Here we go!! :)

*196.8 and Blue Jeans*

This week I had a laugh with God. Early in the week I "told" Him (ha!) I was tired of seeing 197 on the scale. The last few weeks I have rolled around 197 going up a few tenths, coming down a few tenths and I was tired of the 197s. Anyhow, like I said, I "told" God I was tired of that number. I weighed on Saturday morning and was 196.8! As close as I can be to 197 without seeing 197 on the scale. It made me chuckle.

Sunday was Super Bowl Sunday. We all went to church. I went out to lunch with my small group of girls (whom I love). Then we all went to mom and dad's to watch the game, eat and celebrate my birthday. I had worn jeans to church and wore them all day. I have to admit, in years past, I enjoyed wearing yoga pants or something comfy for the Super Bowl so it wouldn't be so uncomfortable while eating all that food. I certainly didn't eat a lot of food and was totally comfortable in jeans all day long. Those are words that don't normally come from me.

*Measurements*

Here are my latest stats:

Weight: 197.4

Chest: 39"

Arm: 13"

Stomach: 38.5"

Waist: 36"

Butt/Hips: 47"

Difference since April 2011:

Weight: -13.2

Chest: -1"

Arm: -1"

Stomach: -8"

Waist: -2"

Butt/Hips: -3"

That's a total of 15" lost! Yeah!! I will continue working hard. I also need to remember to trust the process. All the days and weeks continue to add up together and make good stuff!

*Portion Size & Veggies*

I am learning a lot about portion sizes. When I made dinners for the family, such as spaghetti or whatever. Once we were finished eating there was really only one leftover for lunch for one person to have. I have been weighing/measuring all of our portions for some time now. Steve has been wanting a measured portion for dinner and lunch, too. Leftovers for spaghetti end up being three usually! Three!! Tonight I made tuna hotdish and the serving size is one cup. Steve and I each had our serving and I have THREE left over! That is crazy. You know what's even crazier...when I wasn't measuring things that dish would again really only have one serving left over. That amounts to we were eating enough for two people any time we sat down to eat that. It's such a great thing to be learning and really understanding.

And don't even get me started on vegetables. I am not proud to admit that I didn't always serve a veggie with our meals, like, rarely! Ugh! So embarrassing. Now, I do with every meal. Going back to that tuna hotdish. In times past we would eat it with a slice of bread with butter. Lots of starch and no veggies. Tonight I made broccoli with it. Steve was not a fan but he ate it. He said some things you don't need a veggie with (I'm working on that man!). It was yummy together though. It also filled me up in a way I wouldn't have been with just bread and butter. So good, I have broccoli to take with my tuna for lunch tomorrow.

Three cheers for knowledge!

Work-out Clothes

What is is about workout clothes that can make you feel so good about yourself? I bought two new tops on clearance this week from WalMart. Working out int this yellow tank made me feel so awesome and strong. Everything about weight loss is such a mind game, too. And when you are feeling good about yourself and the way you look, it will make you feel even stronger and better.

I didn't have a stellar weight loss week (.2) this week which puts my weight at 197.2. The difference with this weigh in is that I know EXACTLY why I didn't lose weight this week, so to speak. It had everything to do with the chocolates I found myself snacking on and the extra cheese cravings here and there. So I fully embrace the reason why there wasn't a weight loss this week.

I am happy today is Sunday and it's the beginning of a new weeks. A fresh set of points to start with and a healthy eating plan. I am home alone this afternoon and have wanted chocolate since every one left but I am staying away. I am not hungry, just want it! Certainly don't need it!! Haha!

My goals this week:

1. I would really like to lose 2 pounds as that would put me at 20 pounds lost on my birthday (awesome!).

2. Continue to work out hard as I have been, getting stronger and healthier every moment.

3. I have some great new meals planned for this week and looking forward to the healthy choices we have.

This comparison collage is a little early. I wanted to take pics in my new tank top and decided to put this together.

**A Weight Loss**

I finally got rid of that stubborn pound that I found during the holidays! Ha! Counting points and journaling is going great. I have been keeping track of everything: food, water, exercise, it's all written down. My goals for the week:

1. Proper eating (all week -- stick with grow foods!)

2. Proper tracking (even if it's not that grow food!)

3. Push through the workouts, even when (or especially because) they are challenging.

Workout Schedule:

Mon -- Kettlebell (Jillian)

Tues -- cardio (Jillian)

Wed -- Totally Ripped Core (Bob)

Thur -- cardio (Jillian)

Fri -- Last Chance Workout

Sat -- Kettlebell (Jillian)

I lost 1.6 pounds this week. I weighed in at 198.8. This makes a total weight loss of 16.2 pounds gone...never to be found again! Ever!!

Turkish Get-Ups

Happy Saturday morning. Today was a rewarding day, but it is a non-scale rewarding day. My weight stayed the same this week. I am okay with that, which is a step in and of itself. I have started my period today, so I know all my working out and eating properly during this week will show up in a later weigh-in and that is just fine.

My body is getting so much stronger and I am enjoying watching and feeling these changes. Today I did my kettlebell workout with Jillian. I tried to do it right after I had my injection and it was just too hard and uncomfortable. Today it made it back into the workout rotation and I am so glad it did. It will be on the list of things to do a couple of times next week, that is guaranteed.

The biggest joy from it is that I was able to do the entire workout. Even better than that was doing her Turkish Get-Ups. I have to use a 5-pound handweight rather than the 10-pound kettlebell, but that is only temporary. I was able to do the complete movement fluidly and correctly which is MAJOR! I was so very excited to be able to get up out of that lunge position and off the floor using the strength and power of just one leg. Oh, man! It gives me chills just typing about it.

I am looking forward to another good workout/eating week. I am going to keep on working hard every single day. I am worthy of all of this and having a healthy body. I will stay focused and not let things set me back as I have in the past.

I posted pictures and numbers on Jan 2 and my goal is to do that on the second day of each month so I can watch my progress and have comparison pictures to look at. Happy Saturday and looking forward to an amazing week.

*The Numbers*

Today I measured my body to see where I am at with inches.

Prior Numbers: (4.20.11)

chest: 40"

arm: 14"

stomach: 46.5"

waist: 38"

butt/hips: 50

Today: (1.2.12)

chest: 39

arm: 14

stomach: 37

waist: 36.5

butt/hips: 47.5

Total inches lost is 14.5" since I measured last.

*The End of 2011*

Today is the last day of 2011. I weighed this morning after the traveling and eating over the Christmas holiday. I weighed exactly one pound more than I did on December 17th. To say I was happy about this is an understatement. It felt so rough at the time. Once I was home I jumped right back into exercising and eating mostly right. It (the eating) certainly wasn't as good as before I left for MN but it was better than while we were gone. I am looking ahead to 2012 and kicking this weight in the butt!

I have to say, I am pretty happy with this picture though. I have on my new cowboy boots that Steve got me for Christmas. We went on Thursday night and picked them out. On Friday after work, I stopped at Target for a few things and found this dress. The perfect thing I was looking for to wear with my boots. I bought it from the JR department. Can you say, "One happy person!" Ha.

Happy New Year to me and looking ahead to positive changes. I have a new diet and exercise journal that I bought for the year to track all my progress. This picture has been printed and put in the book. I will use it to compare as time progresses.

Weight today: 200.6