Ugh...This is so F*ing HARD!!

Can I just say how mad and frustrated I am with myself right now? It's all my own fault. I just keep eating shit and not working out which has amounted to me gaining weight and hanging out in the 200s again. That makes me so sad. Trying to figure out why it doesn't piss me off enough to want to do something about it. I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and gross about myself. Always, when I stay consistent, I have real success. 

All this means I need to learn to do this...

...that's right. Just say no...to the processed bad foods, to the crazy snacking, to losing my mind when we go out to dinner. It is time to strap it on and strap it on tight!

Starting tomorrow (on a Friday, no less) is the start of a new challenge and I need to commit to it. I am committing to it. It is mine. I am going to own these next 90 days. No matter what activities get scheduled, I am going to be in charge of what I eat and what I burn. The activity is not going to be about what food I can consume. It is about the company I am with first. Then what to put in my body that will get me closer to my goal rather than setting me backwards. 

I have created a spreadsheet to log my workouts and my weight loss. I am going to count all my WW points, tracking each food group & water consumption. I will pre-plan my workouts for the week ahead. I will be in great shape and well on my way by the time the first day of summer hits. The year of 2014 is not going to end the way it has started. 

Until next time. I will try and consistently blog this journey as well. May as well put it down somewhere. Better in writing than in my mouth!

10 Week Fit Camp...Week 1

The scale has moved. I joined Operation Skinny Jeans 10 Week Fit Camp. After Week 1, I have lost 1.8 pounds. And actually, this is just from Sunday to Friday, so not even a true week. This makes me so happy. I worked so hard this week. I have eaten so good and tracked all my food. I also got in AMAZING workouts, which I am so very proud of. Week 6, Day 1 of the C25k plan was kicking my a$$ to say the very least. I finally conquered it on Thursday evening. 

Here is my "Stay on Track" chart for the 10 week camp. My scale goes down by .2, so I count this one as completed. I am so committed to this. How awesome will it be when I am at a weight of 179.4, which I can't even remember the last time I have seen that number on the scale!

And just a little comparison picture to keep me on track. On the left is from Oct 2010, while we were in MN. I was so uncomfortable in my own skin. I can hardly believe it is taking me this long to get to this point. The one on the right is from today before I went to work. Side note: I still have the capris that I am wearing in the pic from MN. I have kept them as the article of clothing to really compare where I have come from. I need to take a picture in them, because it is truly amazing. My face is soooo round! Gah! I am amazed at the change I see there.

Goals & Rewards

I have been wanting to set some goals and rewards for myself. I wanted them to be short-term goals rather than feeling overwhelmed by long-term goals that seem so very far away and harder to achieve. 

My first reward I was going to plan for myself, I actually already purchased. There was a reason for that. It is my "promise bracelet" to myself. I really wanted something visual to look at no matter where I am. It is on my right wrist so I see it all day long. The cross is God's promise to me by sending his Son to die on it for my sins. It is my visual promise to myself that I am going to tackle this weight problem and be the strong healthy person I see myself being.

It is beautiful. Yes?!

I am going to set 5 pound goals for myself with small rewards along the way. I will have to make some updates to my wardrobe because things are starting to get too big but the rewards will be something I will get right away. Not something that has to be budgeted for, like adding several new pieces of clothing.

I stumbled on a "note" I had posted for myself on Facebook that I had totally forgotten about. It is dated Aug 30, 2009, and I weighed 219.8 pounds! Oh, my! I weigh 20 pounds less than that right now and I have stayed far away from that weight. I spent so many years spinning around in the two-teens, I am happy to say I am away from that. That is success. It may be taking me some time to get this all together, but I am proud of that fact.

Here we go. Goal and reward:

195.0 -- black wedge sandals

190.0 -- new nail polish -- OPI Affair in Times Square

185.0 -- new dress

180.0 -- necklace & bracelet set

175.0 -- new outfit

170.0 -- fun wedge shoes

165.0 -- new cardigan & belt

160.0 -- new skirt (striped)

155.0 -- necklace & bracelet set

150.0 -- new outfit

145.0 -- new boots

140.0 -- new dress

130s -- it's time to shop for real! Thrift and new, I need a new wardrobe!

Oh, my gosh! It is so exciting to see it written out like this. I seriously have not done something like this ever. It's like I have been holding myself back and not allowing myself to look that far. I am going to achieve this. My plan is to continue with my WW points and my workouts. Keep working on that 5k because that will be here quickly. 

I am only 3 pounds from my first goal and I have been looking for black wedge sandals to wear at work this summer. I am going to work hard to get to that one. What if it happens this coming weekend?! Ohh, la, la! Maybe I will be able to have Steve take me shoe shopping during our stay-cation!

Here is an outfit look I am working towards, thus some of my above referenced rewards. Oh my goodness, brown and pink! ♥

Time to kill it! My day started with a workout and good food choices so far. So excited and rejuvenated. 

I'VE GOT THIS! IT'S MINE!!

It's a Challenge

It's a 10-week Challenge put out by a young lady named Jess. I am committing to a hard 10 weeks which has me ending on the Fourth of July! What a great way to get things moving. There is a Facebook page that has lots of people joining it which makes for a great support group. I am so excited by this. I was working so hard before and am ready to get back to that hard work.

Tiffany told me about a 5k that is coming to town called the Glow Run. We are going to sign up for it. It's August 24 at 8:30 p.m. How fun is that?! I can hardly wait. This is going to be my first 5k race to actually do. Time to train hard and get it on!!

My goals for the 10-week Challenge:

• complete my Couch to 5k training
• lose 15 pounds
• eat relatively clean
• get stronger & healthier

My recent comparison pictures. I will do this again on the Fourth of July. Looking forward to big changes.

The stats today are

•  weight: 200.0
• neck: 14.5"
• chest: 38.5"
• waist: 37"
• hips/stomach: 49"
• upper thigh: 26"
• calf: 16.5"
• arm: 14"

This is where I am at. Now, I am moving forward.

185 on 4/13/2013

It's a big goal but it is doable. I think I have not pushed myself hard enough. I have not ever really set huge concrete goals to strive for and achieve. I just roll along with whatever the week brings me. And that means excitement for a great weight loss and disappointment for no loss or a gain. I am done playing that game. I have achievements to reach this year. It is time to set concrete reachable goals and to quit dilly-dallying around with it. It is time to go out for meals and make wise choices. It is time to not go out to a meal and think of it as a reward. Food is fuel for my body, not a reward because I ate good that week. All that accomplishes is a set back.

We are going on our anniversary trip the morning of (I assume) Saturday, April 13, 2013. My goal on that morning is to weigh 185 pounds. That means I have four weeks to lose a decent chunk of weight. I have Easter, our anniversary dinner and Matt's birthday to get through between now and then. I will do it. This goal will be accomplished. 

I am going to have my weigh-in day be Wednesday. Yesterday, I weighed 199.0. I will weigh again on Wednesday, March 27, 2013. That gives me a full week, rather than weighing in again in three days. Here we go. I will check in with my progress.

Improvements & Legs

There have been some changes since my last post and they have been good things. As I previously stated, I went back and reviewed my food journals and the things I was doing then that was working for me. I also did join Planet Fitness. I have even been going two evenings a week. How great is that! I am working towards that 5k goal and it is going well. It is also showing on the scale!! Woo-hoo! That makes me so happy. So here is what has happened in the past two weeks:

• I joined the gym and am going on Tues/Thurs evenings and Sat mornings.
• I put my workout schedule on the calender every Sunday.
• I have been journaling all my food and keeping track of my points.

And the numbers that I was so frustrated by before have been on the move. On Saturday morning, I weighed 197.6. That's a loss of 5.6 pounds in two weeks. My body fat was 49.9%, which was a lost of 1.3% in the same two weeks.

What did I change? I am working out HARD in the mornings. Certainly harder than I had been in the past. I have been walking LaFortune Park on Sunday afternoon, which is so fun to get outside and enjoy life around me. I have gone to the gym on Tues and Thursday evening using the treadmill for 45 minutes each time. I am continuing that 5k training. I am on week three of the C25k training and it has been going great. It is changing my body physically and giving me that extra cardio. I am so very excited about it. This week coming up, I am going to continue with Week 3. I have pretty much done each week of training two weeks in a row because I have not quite been ready to move on. So I am going to continue that track this week.

Legs: Who wouldn't want legs like Carrie Underwood's? They are gorgeous and perfect as far as I am concerned. I know she works hard for them. I may not have legs that look exactly like her's but I am giving my very best effort to have gorgeous legs. I do believe that not only will running help me to lose the weight it will help me get gorgeous legs!! 

Continued hard work, here I come! I am not afraid! I am stronger than I give myself credit for. I am not scared of the gym anymore either. I don't care what any body is thinking around me. I am there for me!

It's My Time

Here I am again wishing the weight gone and yet I have been having gains. This makes me so sad. And pissed. All at the same time. I know I am my own worst enemy. I do well for several days and then I do so bad for a couple of days it ruins those few days I was doing it properly. I have come to the conclusion that I just have to stick to the plan and not have my "free" moments. And by free I don't even necessarily mean overeating. In my mind, I think, oh, it's okay if I don't journal today. I know what I am eating or should be eating. That is not the case. I get too far off track when I do that. 

Good news...It's My Time. I have committed to reading my Bible every day this year and I am half way through my 100 day reading plan that I am on right now. It is now time to apply that same sort of dedication and commitment to my health and weight loss. I want to be that success story. I want to see it in pictures (kind of -- ha!). I want to see it in numbers and those numbers aren't very pretty today. I am not having the changes I expected to be having at this time. With that being said, it's time to get back to basics.

Thankfully, Sunday is the beginning of my week. I have all my FlexPoints to work with. I have exercise plans to come up with. I have to learn to push through the tired and hard times in order to get to the results I want. I am joining the gym tomorrow, which is a great thing. That means I need to be going there at least three times a week for a good cardio workout. Whatever that might look like. I want to train for a 5k. I have read several times I should sign up for an actual race so I have a goal that I am working towards. Yes, that scares me. And I think that is also putting too much on my plate, but I will. I will sign up for a 5k and work towards that goal.

THE NUMBERS: (ugh, they are not pretty today)

Weight: 203.2

Body Fat: 51.2%

Neck: 14.5"

Chest: 38.5"

Waist: 37"

Hips: 50"

Stomach: 49"

BEFORE:

The numbers don't lie, friends. The good news is the numbers can be changed and will be changed. I am going to look back at my food journal from last year and see what I was eating. What have I changed lately that isn't keeping me on track. The numbers may not lie but I can change those numbers with a strong commitment to myself. One of the things that really stands out in my mind this morning about what has changed from last year when I was consistently losing weight...I was walking most days after school/work. I was getting in that little extra cardio. At the time, I didn't think it was that big of a deal. Looking back at it now and what I am doing and not doing, those walks at the end of the day were playing an important part, I believe.

Here we go. Let's get this party started!